


This makes no sense

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2018-03-16 21:18:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3503126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This set out to be a request fic, but it was hopelessly cracked out so I did another.  But what the hell, I’ll throw this one to you anyway.<br/>It references various things, some of which no longer exist, but since it really doesn't make sense in the first place, who cares.<br/>Sort of S/T, at the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This makes no sense

_“It looks like Godzilla had sex with your mother, Frank.”_  
They had just turned on the news, having been told there was a very special broadcast on. It seemed that the world, or at least their part of it, have been invaded by monsters! What the fuck, they hadn’t played Awaken lately...   
The newscasters weren’t done.  
 _”...We also have reports of what the public is calling the Krispy Kreme Donut Man in downtown, and suspicious vampire attacks on the northeast side. Residents are urged to stay indoors until the world has properly ended. We will keep broadcasting until-“_

Nathan turned the TV off. “So there’s like, monsters killing everybody. Let’s go look!”  
“Schomething about thisch schounds really familiar... like I read it schomewhere...” Murderface looked thoughtful, which looked weird.  
Toki was even more excited to see the monsters than Nathan, and led everybody up thirty-seven flights of stairs to the roof.  
Mordhaus was so high, most of the creatures could be seen from there.

Skwisgaar had collapsed on the dragon head’s right eye, breathing hard. “Can somebodies be tellings me why we doesn’t jus takes de damn elevators?”  
Looking guilty, Toki shrugged. “The stairs was closer? I’s sorries!”  
“Whoa, dude!” They all looked where Pickles was pointing. Flying rapidly towards them was something that looked like a cross between a giant lizard and Frank the newscaster. With wings, that is.  
The Frank-ish dragon-thing perched on the Mordhaus dragon head.

Murderface randomly farted, and pointed at it. “I’ve read thisch. Toki, Schwisgaar, you’ve got to ride on it!”  
Toki shrugged. “Okays, then I names it Lucifer!”  
“Ja, Lucy ams a good names. I loves Lucy. I woulds has de sexes wit her, if you knows what I mean.”  
“Shut up, Skwisgaar! Gets on the dragon!” _(*He’ll take you round the universe!*)_

And so they got on the dragon(ish thing) and only them because it was a dragon built for two. It took off, flying randomly around and attempting to toast the Krispy Kreme Donut Man with his burning breath. If it had been his more popular cousin, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, this would have done some serious damage, but this monster remained largely unaffected.  
But that was okay, because suddenly Superman showed up and swallowed him whole. This caused him to be to fat to fly, so he crashed and died.   
But that doesn’t matter.

The dragon(ish thing) touched down in Tranny Town. Toki and Skwisgaar had heard of it of course, but had never been there because they had Gears to take their vehicles in if they had transmission problems. (What, you thought I meant transvestites?)  
Murderface was there, because in this story Murderface is just always there. (Like Jesus or herpes, take your pick.)  
The dragon had vanished. “Look out Toki, the ghoschtsch of your pascht are coming!”

Toki looked confused? “The what?”  
“Ghoschtsch! Schpiritchsch! Schpooksch! Damnit, why do all the wordsch have esschesch in them?!” He was spared having to explain further as a familiar figure stepped out of a formerly nonexistent doorway.   
Toki recognized him instantly. “Counts Chocula! Yay!”  
Murderface slapped him across the face with meat. “No Toki! He’sch not your friend, he gave you diabetes! You have to drive thisch rare schteak through hisch heart! Do it!” He shoved the meat he’d just bitch-slapped him with into his hand.

That sucked, but-  
Toki turned to see that Count Chocula had been joined by Booberry and Frankenberry, and all three of them were converging on Skwisgaar. That was simply unacceptable! Toki screamed like a cat with hemorrhoids and thrust Murderface’s meat into the Count. The effect was instant, he burst into flames.  
Murderface picked up the now-cooked steak and started gnawing on it.  
They other two cereal monsters, realizing that they were facing a cereal killer, fled the scene. The three of them were alone in Tranny Town for the moment.

Ignoring the obvious issue (how did Murderface suddenly appear halfway across town?) Skwisgaar went for the other question. “Murderfaces, how does you know dis shit?”  
“Well you schee, I have a schecret. Thingsch I read actually happen, that’sch why I uschually only read hischtory. Alscho, that’sch why you’re both gay, schorry.” Against their simultaneous protests, he affirmed, “Yesch you are! I know all the thingsch you do when you’re alone, I’ve read them, you schee.”  
“You ams readings de porns abouts us? Dat’s pretty gay, Murderfaces.”  
“Reallies gay, Moiderface.”

Murderface vanished (he can do that, at the moment), leaving Skwisgaar and Toki alone.  
“Skwisgaar? Does you thinks the world is really endings?”  
“I don’ts know, Toki. But if it ams, I’ glad to shares it with you.”  
“Skwisgaar? Does you only loves me because Moiderface reads some dumb stories?”  
Skwisgaar sighed. “I don’t knows, Toki. I don’t knows.”  
They sat down in a doorway together to wait for whatever came next. The end of the world, if Murderface was right.


End file.
